#2 The internet

Now, it may seem hypocritical for me to be complaining about the internet from the very internet that I'm belittling.  "If you hate the internet so much," you're most likely saying, "then why don't you go outside into nature, or do

something productive with

your life, like riding a bike or

planting a tree, and then

painting the tree while

simultaneously riding a bike!"

Well all I can do to these

allegations is to inform you

that clearly you do not

understand the true nature of

CapnChris.com.  See we're

not content to merely be part

of the internet, rather we

intend to conquer the internet,

and then make it dance for us

as if it were some orphan child

and we a wealthy plutocrat

whose only joy left in life is

paying orphans to dance for

his amusement.  Of course the

real benefit in us conquering the internet will be for you, the consumer.  We here at CapnChris are fully aware of all your e-concerns which are brought to our attention by countless E-mails stating "Hey asshat, you're not funny."

Nature, as I understand it.  Full of the Japanese

I thought there was a way somehow to work this image into the editorial.  It turns out there wasn't, but there's no turning back now.  "What's so special about your vagina?"  has now become my motivational slogan that I shout at myself when I'm in the gym or taking a test.  Needless to say, I'm getting beaten up a lot more now.

The part about a vagina having a brain just really creeps me out.  It reminds me of some erotic thriller where the vagina is really an alien that needs semen so it can construct it's army to invade and conquer earth.

At this point, this photo caption has become so great as to be an editorial in and of itself, an editorial within an editorial.  It's probably even better than the real editorial. 

This DVD cover makes me believe again, in the power of vaginas.

Now, you might point out that so far, we are arguably the least visited website on the entire internet.  This would include Geocities websites that are shrines to people's cats as well as websites featuring poorly spelled erotic Shrek 2 fanfiction.  Hell, who are we kidding, we'll never be able to compete with the booming internet industry that is erotic fanfiction. You might also point out that while we claim we're trying to improve the internet, we're really not any better than the average klignon fansite.  Well, I never said it was a very good plan.  Like most things on the internet, I'm sure it's destined to fail.  However, don't let that deter you from purchasing some CapnChris stock from your local hobo/former e-business tycoon.

Now that I've exposed you to what we like to call "Plan C", I hope you have a greater understanding of what exactly we're trying to accomplish in this crazy Internet game.  Of course, I never actually stated what was wrong with the internet, or even why we have undertaken such a zany mission, but hey, that's the Internet for you.

Back to Cap'n Chris!