ghoadsly: Hey there, partner.
tuesgarbage: qui est?
ghoadsly: See, you think you're cultured or something, but really you've just proven yourself retarded.
tuesgarbage: that's french for "who the fuck is this?"
ghoadsly: Oh, thank you sir.
tuesgarbage: is this baron-von stalksalot?
ghoadsly: I could not figure out your awesomely bad french grammar.
ghoadsly: That's what I go by on the weekends.
tuesgarbage: hey, why don't you go run along and stalk Anna, m'kay?
ghoadsly: Sure thing.
ghoadsly: But right now, I've got my sights set on you.
tuesgarbage: haha. oh, I'm shakin' here. [quivers]
ghoadsly: I can't understand why.
tuesgarbage: why not come over tonite? I have 100 rounds of 20 gauge bridshot with you name on it.
ghoadsly: Maybe you should put on a sweater.
tuesgarbage: *birdshot.
tuesgarbage: that stuff exfoliates really well.
ghoadsly: Wow, you're pretty badass to threaten me over the internet.
ghoadsly: I mean, that takes guts man.
ghoadsly: And you've got a gun.
tuesgarbage: oh, I'll be more than happy to kick your ass in person
ghoadsly: Just like real men on t.v.!
tuesgarbage: you fucking pussy.
ghoadsly: Well, I have been known to fuck a pussy or two.
tuesgarbage: no, seriously, find me in homeroom
tuesgarbage: you mean lick
ghoadsly: Yeah, that too.
tuesgarbage: and suck assholes, to boot.
ghoadsly: Oh, all the time.
ghoadsly: I can't get enough assholes.
tuesgarbage: so when am I going to get my chance to make a necklace out of you?
ghoadsly: mmm mmm assholes.
ghoadsly: Uh, why don't you go looking for me in "homeroom" as you call it.
ghoadsly: That will prove fruitful.
ghoadsly: So, in your profile: "Humility is a virtue which is never touted"--Me.
ghoadsly: Uh, were you like, trying to be ironic there or something?
tuesgarbage: yeah. just like all the emo bands you quote in your LJ
tuesgarbage: you histrionic pussy.
ghoadsly: So you're comparing yourself to an emo band?
ghoadsly: I'd say that sounds about right.
tuesgarbage: hey, it's your awful LJ. and you're the stalker
tuesgarbage: "whyyyyyy doesn't she love me?"
ghoadsly: You're right, my LJ is awful.
tuesgarbage: obviously didn't impress someone.
ghoadsly: www.capnchris.com/moonraven.html for your reference.
ghoadsly: I know!
ghoadsly: But seriously, do you know why she doesn't love me?
ghoadsly: Is it because I sometimes hit her?
ghoadsly: And call her names?
tuesgarbage: duh, popularity points.
tuesgarbage: I'm sure a nice Republican like Steve doesn't do anything like that.
tuesgarbage: [cough]
tuesgarbage: doubt that's it, buddy.
tuesgarbage: I like how you do everything I do, except six months later.
ghoadsly: Okay, enough about "me" (I use the term loosely here) and let's shift the focus back on you, douchecake.
ghoadsly: I mean, I dig the whole "Y'arr, I'm angry!" thing.
tuesgarbage: like go out with one of Anna's friends, and then getting mad at her when she takes up with someone else.
ghoadsly: But I just don't see where you're going with it.
ghoadsly: Oh man, I do that all the time.
tuesgarbage: of course Melissa is a damn sight better looking than the dog you are with.
ghoadsly: Hey, my dog looks like that because he has heartworms.
ghoadsly: If you can find a cuter one at the SPCA, be my guest.
tuesgarbage: no, I think I'm talking about Megan, Eric.
ghoadsly: Wait, wait, wait, I thought I was Steve.
ghoadsly: Now I'm Eric?
ghoadsly: You're just confusing me here, man.
tuesgarbage: I wouldn't expect you to keep up.
ghoadsly: That's kind of you.
tuesgarbage: so, what's your master plan for getting Anna back? I'm sure it's grand
ghoadsly: Oh, I was just gonna slip her a few roofies and then put her in my trunk.
ghoadsly: I mean, it's not so much of a "master plan" so much as it is a "date rap scheme".
ghoadsly: But you know, semantics.
ghoadsly: Date rape that is, sorry.
tuesgarbage: by all means, if that's what you have been reduced to...
ghoadsly: Hey, I'm not gonna pay for it like some Jew.
ghoadsly: But anyway, back to my original bit about you.
tuesgarbage: go right ahead.
ghoadsly: Well, I'm not even gonna touch the other shit in that thing, but at the end of your profile it's all like: "Humility is a virtue which is never touted"--Me.
tuesgarbage: oh, this is just tearing me to shreds, Eric.
ghoadsly: So... by placing that in your profile (or "touting" it, as it were)...
ghoadsly: Thanks, I try.
ghoadsly: You can connect the rest.
tuesgarbage: yeah, that's probably the idea.
ghoadsly: Yeah, probably.
ghoadsly: Just like the point of that "Ironic" song was to secretly not be ironic.
ghoadsly: Thus creating a giant vortex of irony that would suck all of humanity into a void of nothingness.
tuesgarbage: you must have done splendid on the verbal section of the SAT.
ghoadsly: Well, thank you.
tuesgarbage: is there a point to all of this? or did you spend your weekly allowance on phone sex already?
ghoadsly: But it turns out that you don't have to take the SAT if you want to join a militia.
tuesgarbage: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! you in a militita, that's cute.
tuesgarbage: *militia
ghoadsly: My mom says it's darling.
tuesgarbage: sorry, I was tittering to the point where I couldn't spell correctly.
ghoadsly: Yeah, I know how that goes.
ghoadsly: I mean, I'm not the one who sits around with "100 rounds of 20 gauge bridshot with you name".
tuesgarbage: I'll be more than happy to make good on that.
ghoadsly: Wow, what a badass you must be.
tuesgarbage: non-transferable raincheck, if you need if.
ghoadsly: I mean, your penis must be huge.
tuesgarbage: *it
ghoadsly: There's no denying that.
ghoadsly: But enough of these games.
tuesgarbage: my sentiments exactly
ghoadsly: I'm not your "Eric" so put down the erection.
tuesgarbage: aaaand?
tuesgarbage: there's more to this, I hope.
tuesgarbage: it's terribly boring.
ghoadsly: Also, how did you like my new "in-your-face" attitude, cockarcher?
tuesgarbage: well, I wouldn't know, if it isn't Eric, as you claim.
ghoadsly: I got it from watching HBO.
tuesgarbage: yeah, and?
tuesgarbage: you were leading somewhere, right?
tuesgarbage: make it quick, I have homework
ghoadsly: Nerd.
ghoadsly: More like homewank.
ghoadsly: That's right.
ghoadsly: I'm on to you.
tuesgarbage: that's it? I've been talking to you for 15 minutes and that's all you have to say.
ghoadsly: No.
tuesgarbage: forget this.
ghoadsly: I also have to say everything else that I've already said.
ghoadsly: Please scroll up to refresh your memory.
ghoadsly: I understand how that can be hard.
tuesgarbage: t-minus five seconds until I block you, so make whatever point you wanted to.
ghoadsly: But the magic picture box won't suck you into it like that weird movie I saw one time late at night that gave me nightmares when I was 7.
ghoadsly: More like, cock-block.
ghoadsly: Burn.
tuesgarbage: you seem to be having enough trouble with that yourself.
ghoadsly: What?
tuesgarbage: ERIC LIIIIKES ANNNNNA!
ghoadsly: Does he?
tuesgarbage: oh, and then some
ghoadsly: Well, then I wish them both the best.
tuesgarbage: he can't deal with that rejection.
ghoadsly: Thank you for adding your blessing.
tuesgarbage: he has pictures on his wall, and wanks to them incessantly.
tuesgarbage: he even took up with one of her friends in a desperate attempt to stay close to her.
ghoadsly: I do the same thing with Mrs. PacMan.
ghoadsly: Why exactly are you telling me this?
ghoadsly: I mean, sure I go off on some pretty crazy tangents.
tuesgarbage: oh, yeah, you're him.
tuesgarbage: I forgot.
ghoadsly: But you seem pretty freaking obsessed with this Eric chap.
tuesgarbage: yeah, protists amuse me.
tuesgarbage signed off at 9:42:50 PM.
ghoadsly: FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU CAN'T JUST PICK RANDOM WORDS OUT OF THE DICTIONARY AND THEN USE THEM IN SENTENCES.

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